Wework: $47b cult vibes to shared desk graveyard

all you probably have to mention is that one of the “founders” cousin also founded the co Goop.  Yes, the co that has created dubious claims and products to enrichen it’s self-enlightened owner…but, adam and rebekah newman were sire to miguel Mckelvey wanted to created a vibes based office company in 2010 that would rent space to start ups, and otherwise hip ventures in a communal setup reminiscent of adam newman’s childhood in a kibbutz.  

adam and his wife rebekah and miguel set out to form a company that bought a lot of commercial real estate, but, was not a commercial real estate co.  You don’t say!

So, of course- they were/are a tech co!  How else would you get access to the Tres Commas Club or the Failed Unicorn Hall of Shame?!

Not kidding.

in the early days, they rented space in new york city with beer taps and networking events.  this was fun!  yay!  what country wouldn’t want to get into this racket and offer all their shit commercial real estate to a hack like this trio of dufuses, sic…

one man who saw the newman’s vision of “elevating the world’s consciousness” through shared workspaces, was softbank’s vision fund.  

2017 saw WeWork hitting unicorn status.  by 2019, softbank valued the co. at $46bn- vibes me to the maxxx biatch!  

mind you, they are not a commercial real estate co.  they have a fucking app, damnit, so they are a tech co!  shit.

at the co’s hype, they duped and shitbanged in over 100 cities with over 800 locations.

so when did they eat the shit roast?

2019 was the crowning achievement of rebekah newman, who is the pariah of parisian preference in an era of miller lite decadence.  she took the time to personally craft the s-1, insomuchas it was a total shibboleth to their ultimate fall…it revealed their losses!

see, dumbass, private cos rely on funding raises based on their own financials.  these are the company’s own internal financials, who knows if they are audited, but largely it’s the vibes that get the deal done.  and, so it did!

post-2019, the co laid off thousands of employees.  then came the covid crash, which took apart their facade of “we’re not a commercial real estate company” vibe when their absorption (occupancy rate) went to 46%.   compared to 84% in 2018, and 79% by 3q19.  importantly, the company had a breakeven rate of 80%, which was a high hurdle in a declining market with work from home, remote work, and “dare g;d, i’d rather burn my own balls than sit on that desk chair again.” energy.

they were fucked, not the founders- the newmans cashed out over $700mm in shares pre-ipo then received a $1.7bn exit package as part of soft bank’s bailout, then another $770mm from the 2021 SPAC merger putting this dipshit’s total earn at over $2bn! 

and migeul mcelvey came out with around $900mm post IPO.  he was true wework to his core and did not sell prior to the IPO.

vibes me bro, VIBES ME!

WeWork RIP 2019